Head Over Heels

My dad worked at the Jersey shore for a couple years in Ocean City. He lived with Jimmy Bathurst while he was down there working each summer. He worked as a short-order cook, a dishwasher, anything to get some cash. And, to give you an idea of what he made, he said he worked 81 hrs and brought home $73. Wow. Anyway, he was beginning to notice some of the girls - in particular a girl named Linda Fox who happened to be friends with Jimmy's girlfriend. Dad says he wasn't particularly good-looking at that time in his life around 1966, so he would try and figure out ways to impress girls. One such incident sticks out in his mind. One night, Jimmy and his girlfriend, Linda and dad all were at a pool hanging out. Dad had gone shopping earlier and bought himself a new pair of bermuda shorts, white socks, and a new polo shirt, which was a pretty big deal since he didn't make much money. He thought he was looking pretty good and if that impressed Linda, it was totally worth it to him! But, she wasn't noticing him like he had hoped. So, as they sat there he began thinking about what he could do to really stand out. He looked at the pool and thought, "Boy, if someone were drowning, I could rescue them. ....I can't swim though, so it would have to be someone drowning in the shallow end." As his mind wandered in this direction, he heard a small voice say "help me". He perked up and noticed a little girl had lost a hold of her raft. And, not only was she needing help, but she was in the shallow end! Here was his chance!!! He jumped off his chair and lept into the pool - her hero had come to save her!!!! But as he is in mid-air, he hears her dad say, "She's alright". This is the omen that should've stopped him, somehow knowing that the outcome of this wasn't going to be a good one. But there's no turning back when you're hanging over the pool, seconds away from splashing into it. When he finally hit the water, what he thought was a shallow 4' pool ended up being a shallow 2' pool, so his legs very quickly hit the bottom causing severe ankle and leg pain as he collapsed in the water. Plus, in the wake of his rescue attempt, the waves pushed the girl's raft straight into her, hitting her in the head and causing her to cry. And, to top it off, he had forgotten his wallet was in his pocket and it was now floating on top of the water, his pictures had scattered and were going in all directions. He looks around and sees the girl going to her dad who is now laughing hysterically at him. He tried desperately to gather up all his pictures (and his dignity) which are floating away from him as each moment passes. A woman in the area, seeing dad's obvious embarrassment says "I think this boy deserves a round of applause". A smattering of applause follows, which only deepens his humiliation. By the time the once proud father of mine has finished his unsuccessful rescue attempt, he walks back to his friends only to find that they have left him behind - too mortified to stay and admit that THEIR friend would do something so ridiculous. So, he ends up walking home the 16 blocks soaking wet in his brand new outfit, never having gotten the girl. And, after what he just pulled, absolutely no chance at all of EVER getting the girl.

By the way, he said he told this story during a speech in college. He embelished it a bit though to add that a guy in a car near the pool saw the whole thing and thought that dad was trying to kill himself and in his shock and horror, the guy passed out on the horn. Dad's always been known for his embelishments. Though the stories themselves are so funny, in my opinion, that nothing needs to be added to make it hiliarious! I'll have to share more stories on his embelishments sometime. Like when he invented the fact that he had a leporous brother perhaps? ;-)