Day in the Life of a Seminary Student

Another time that dad’s imagination got the best of him was in seminary back in IN. This was before he was married and he was watching a basketball game. His mind was wandering thinking of ways he could impress the girls in the crowd. Obviously his experience years earlier at the shore didn’t stop him from coming up with crazy ideas. He thought to himself "if a fight broke out at the game, I could get in there and really show this small IN town what a guy from Philly can do!" Just as he was thinking this through, a scuffle broke out among the players. Dad immediantely rushed down to the floor, fists in the air, ready to take someone on. This is just what he imagined would happen! Only, it wasn’t QUITE what he had imagined after all. It was only once he was on the fall that he realized the players, who looked much smaller at the top of the bleachers now dwarfed my 5’7" dad. And, to add insult to injury, no one else had found the need to get involved in a brawl at a non-violent, brethern, seminarian basketball game!! So, there he stood, alone on the floor, while 6’8" basketball players just stared at him. The cheerleaders looked at him like he was some kind of serial killer and the fans just looked at him with disgust. So much for his "big hero-Philly guy" routine. Guess watching the "Godfather" had put too many ideas in his head. He wasn’t going to be Sonny after all. As he humbly walked back up the bleachers, he saw a woman holding her elbow. "Are you ok?" he asked, hoping that somehow he could redeem himself by giving aid to this injured woman. "Oh, I’m ok. You just kicked me when you were running down the bleachers. But, I had surgery on it recently, so it’ll be fine.". Great. So, not only did he run down the bleachers into a non-existant fight only to be humiliated in front of the entire crowd of people, but the one person injured in the maylay was someone he hurt in his own attempt to be the macho Jersey guy. His friends turned away from him as he got closer to get his stuff. Again, it seems his friends left him to absorb the full impact of his stupidity alone. There was no sneaking out either. You can’t sneak out of a basketball game, so he gathered his things and quietly walked out. Head hanging low, humiliation growing.

Head Over Heels

My dad worked at the Jersey shore for a couple years in Ocean City. He lived with Jimmy Bathurst while he was down there working each summer. He worked as a short-order cook, a dishwasher, anything to get some cash. And, to give you an idea of what he made, he said he worked 81 hrs and brought home $73. Wow. Anyway, he was beginning to notice some of the girls - in particular a girl named Linda Fox who happened to be friends with Jimmy's girlfriend. Dad says he wasn't particularly good-looking at that time in his life around 1966, so he would try and figure out ways to impress girls. One such incident sticks out in his mind. One night, Jimmy and his girlfriend, Linda and dad all were at a pool hanging out. Dad had gone shopping earlier and bought himself a new pair of bermuda shorts, white socks, and a new polo shirt, which was a pretty big deal since he didn't make much money. He thought he was looking pretty good and if that impressed Linda, it was totally worth it to him! But, she wasn't noticing him like he had hoped. So, as they sat there he began thinking about what he could do to really stand out. He looked at the pool and thought, "Boy, if someone were drowning, I could rescue them. ....I can't swim though, so it would have to be someone drowning in the shallow end." As his mind wandered in this direction, he heard a small voice say "help me". He perked up and noticed a little girl had lost a hold of her raft. And, not only was she needing help, but she was in the shallow end! Here was his chance!!! He jumped off his chair and lept into the pool - her hero had come to save her!!!! But as he is in mid-air, he hears her dad say, "She's alright". This is the omen that should've stopped him, somehow knowing that the outcome of this wasn't going to be a good one. But there's no turning back when you're hanging over the pool, seconds away from splashing into it. When he finally hit the water, what he thought was a shallow 4' pool ended up being a shallow 2' pool, so his legs very quickly hit the bottom causing severe ankle and leg pain as he collapsed in the water. Plus, in the wake of his rescue attempt, the waves pushed the girl's raft straight into her, hitting her in the head and causing her to cry. And, to top it off, he had forgotten his wallet was in his pocket and it was now floating on top of the water, his pictures had scattered and were going in all directions. He looks around and sees the girl going to her dad who is now laughing hysterically at him. He tried desperately to gather up all his pictures (and his dignity) which are floating away from him as each moment passes. A woman in the area, seeing dad's obvious embarrassment says "I think this boy deserves a round of applause". A smattering of applause follows, which only deepens his humiliation. By the time the once proud father of mine has finished his unsuccessful rescue attempt, he walks back to his friends only to find that they have left him behind - too mortified to stay and admit that THEIR friend would do something so ridiculous. So, he ends up walking home the 16 blocks soaking wet in his brand new outfit, never having gotten the girl. And, after what he just pulled, absolutely no chance at all of EVER getting the girl.

By the way, he said he told this story during a speech in college. He embelished it a bit though to add that a guy in a car near the pool saw the whole thing and thought that dad was trying to kill himself and in his shock and horror, the guy passed out on the horn. Dad's always been known for his embelishments. Though the stories themselves are so funny, in my opinion, that nothing needs to be added to make it hiliarious! I'll have to share more stories on his embelishments sometime. Like when he invented the fact that he had a leporous brother perhaps? ;-)

Liver Pills Ahoy

OK – this story I had to talk my dad into sharing for the blog. He didn’t really want to, but when he mentioned "soiling himself on the way home from baseball", I knew it HAD to be included. ;-) He was 15 yrs old and his dad had told him to take some medicine. Dad took them, not asking what they were. That was a major mistake, because they were liver pills, which cause a bit of a, let’s say, "reaction in the bowels" after they’ve taken effect. While he was playing baseball, he suddenly felt the urge to go. He knew there were bathrooms there, but they were locked, so he decided to run home and take care of it. Well, the field is in southern Runnemede, quite far from his house. He was walking as quickly as he could – tucking his cheeks to hold back the tidal wave that was sure to come. He was beginning to run as he got closer to the house, by the school playground across the street, when he jumped down a short 3’ embankment. That jump proved to be his undoing. The wave was released and continued releasing even as he ran in the house and into the bathroom. He spent a while in there cleaning himself up, showering, washing out his clothes. He got dressed and headed back out to the ball field. When he got back he realized that the bathrooms were indeed UNLOCKED. All that agony and embarrassment could’ve been easily solved if he had just checked the doors before he left. Or, perhaps, he should’ve just used a rock and a fern, eh Micah?

You Always Get Caught

In 5th grade, dad wanted to get out of class, so he asked to be excused to go to the bathroom. When he got there, he decided he wanted to fool around and got the soap out and played what he called "The Soap Dish Game". I guess it’s when you get the soap wet and see how many times you can get it to spin around the sink bowl. I'm finding as dad tells me these stories, he had QUITE an active imagination. Anyway, he took quite a long time before getting back to class, so when he did his teacher Mrs. Jackson (Prehistoric Jackson is what they called her because she was so old) confronted him on why he was gone so long. What to say? What to say? "I got sick and threw up," he quickly made up and she totally believed him! She sent him straight to the nurses’ office, so he could rest and feel better. He thought he was pretty smooth and was pretty excited to be getting out of class. A little white lie never hurt anyone right? And, now he could get out of class and enjoy some time relaxing in the nurses office. BUT, another boy in school had TRULY gotten sick and puked all over the hallway. The Bingham principal (he couldn’t remember her name) went up to dad and started interrogating him about whether or not HE was the one who had puked in the hallway. He tried to claim his innocence, but knowing he was going to be blamed for something he didn’t do, he folded like a house of cards and confessed that he didn’t actually get sick at all and had made the whole thing up to get out of class. He was spanked a lot by that principal and sent back to face his teacher. Don't know if they ever found out who REALLY puked that day. Maybe it was Merrill getting dad back. ;-)

Poor Merrill

In 4th grade, dad sat by a boy named Merrill Gander. He actually lived right next door to their 4th grade teacher and she didn’t like him at all. He was a troublemaker and caused her quite a lot of headaches. This little fact worked to dad’s advantage later in the school year. The boy that sat behind dad was a boy named Ronnie Davis and one day he was walking up the front of the class and dad stuck his foot out and tripped him. Ronnie went flying. Knocked over the trash can, fell over the desks, and caused quite a commotion! The teacher walked back and looked at Merrill and said, "Did you trip Ronnie?!!" "No." he said. She didn’t believe him and started whacking the heck out of him with a yardstick. As dad said, "She beat the living crap out of him", all the while Merrill is confessing his innocence. "I didn’t do it, I swear". "Don’t you lie to me!!" she yells back. Dad sat there with a straight face, knowing that the wrath would come down on him if he said a word. So, he never did. He watched as Merrill got smacked around and sent to the principal’s office, knowing full well that HE was the one who had tripped Ronnie. Six years later, Merrill would call in a bomb scare not once, but three times the first week of the 1962 World Series. When he was caught the 3rd day, he was expelled from NJ schools for LIFE. And, he believes it all started that day when he was blamed for a crime that dad committed. That’s the sad story of poor Merrill Gander. On a side note, dad faked being sick that Monday, because he too didn’t want to miss the first game of the World Series. At least he was smart enough not to call in a bomb scare to get out of it!

It All Started in 3rd Grade

It's hard to believe a sweet, adorable little boy like my dad here in the picture above could be any trouble at all. That sweet smile, those precious suspenders - I mean, he's just a little angel, right? Well, in 3rd grade he began to find out what it meant to be "disruptive", thus starting his sophmoric rise into the archives of the principal's office. ;-) Miss Prichard was his teacher and he liked her a lot. Though, I’m not sure the feeling was mutual. He said she liked his dad and felt sorry for him for having the 2 crazy boys that he had. Sounds like a lot of teachers felt bad for Grandma and Grandpa for that very reason as we’ll see. Dad was sitting with other kids in a group and was supposed to be reading. They were all taking turns reading this book. Dad was impatient and tried cutting in and reading himself. Reading louder than the other student, so the other child would stop and he could keep reading. He's never been one for patience. Well, that was not ok to the teacher, so Miss Pritchard made him stand in the hall, which was normal punishment back then for disruptive behavior. And, he also had to miss recess that day. When recess time came, the kids shuffled out and she sent dad to Mrs. Taylor’s class, which happened to be a 1st grade class that his brother Carl was in. They were singing songs when he got there. A specific song called "Jumalaya" actually. In the song the lyric says "Son of a Gun". Dad was singing away, not having a care in the world when Carl said to him, "I’m gonna tell mom you said ‘Son of a Gun!’" Dad got mad and started beating up his brother, which of course made the teacher come up and she sent dad out into the hall again. When HIS teacher came back from recess and saw he was in the hallway she didn’t understand why he was still there, when she had told him to go to Mrs. Taylor’s room. That is until Mrs. Taylor told her what happened. Dad couldn’t even behave himself in another’s teacher’s classroom for 15 min recess time. I think this is when the whole "I feel sorry for your father" thing came into play. ;-)

Chronicles of Mr. Elliason - Part 3

Dad was goofing around at his desk, trying to make the people around him laugh when he suddenly came up with a brillant idea! "I’m gonna set my desk on fire" he told his friends. "No way!" "You’ll never do that" where the quick replies. One kid dared him to and that’s all it took for him to carry out his plan. He took a straight match and some paperwork and lit it on fire and placed it on his desk. It was only burning for a few seconds when he patted it out. Ashes were lying around and he kind of broke off the blackened pieces. Mr. Elliason then called for the class to line up. As he was walking by the desks though, something grabbed his attention. "I smell sulfer. Like someone lit a match." Everyone looked around like nothing was amiss. "No one leaves this room until someone tells me who tried to set something on fire! I don’t care if it’s 6 o’clock!" One of the students said, "I’ll tell you!" "No…No…no. Let them go," dad valiantly said., as if he were hero, ready to right all wrong. "I did it. I’ll take my punishment." The kids shuffled out, many waiting downstairs waiting to see if dad would come out….alive. Mr. Elliason didn’t beat up dad. He just sat there and looked at him. "I just feel so badly for your father that he has you for a son." he sighed. "What is wrong with you? I could get you expelled for life!" Dad was getting a little scared. Expelled for life? Grandpa had already threatened to send him away to like military school or something. This was not going well. "I won’t do it though. I wouldn’t do that to your father. ……… Just get out of here." And dad took the cue and left. Quickly. I can only imagine after facing Korea, what Mr. Elliason must’ve thought of having dad in his class.

The Chronicles of Mr. Elliason - Part 2

Another episode with Mr. Elliason was after dad had watched the movie "Blackboard Jungle" with Glenn Ford and Sidney Portier. In that movie the teacher is referred to as "Teach", which dad thought was really cool. So the next day at school he kept referring to Mr. Elliason as "Teach". Either Mr. Elliason tuned dad out or just didn’t care, he’s not really sure, because as dad was leaving that day, he called out "See ya later Teach!" to Mr. Elliason as he was talking to another teacher and that other teacher said, "Are you going to let him talk to you like that?!" "What did he say?" he asked. When he heard that dad had called him "Teach", he told dad to get back in the classroom and once again received Mr. Elliason’s brand of discipline. He never again called him "Teach". ;-)

The Chronicles of Mr. Elliason - Part 1

I was talking to my dad today and many stories came up about his 7th grade teacher Mr. Elliason. So, I've decided to split them up into separate entries, since I feel they each deserve their own space. I'll start with his first run in with Mr. Elliason. The first of many that year. Now, to give you an idea of who his teacher was, he was a former marine. Dad thinks he was a marine during the Korean War, because he was a young guy and the year was 1959. He was big and tough and hard. Not someone you would think to mess with. But, dad apparently didn't seem intimidated. Anyway, the first run in came around Christmas time. They were getting ready for their christmas program and were all in class together, singing "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" in latin. Dad wanted to sing it with gusto, so he was singing loudly. QUITE loudly - and obnoxiously I might add. So much louder was he than the rest of the kids, it grabbed Mr. Elliason's attention. "Drexler, sing it right! " he said to my dad. Dad apparently didn't heed that warning, because he continued to sing it loudly and disruptively. Mr. Elliason stopped the singing, grabbed dad and put him in the cloak room, which was the room by the classroom with 2 entry doors and hooks for their coats and stuff. "I don't want to see you!! I don't want to hear you until this is over!!!!" he shouted at dad, then left to go back to the singing practice. Again, dad didn't take this too seriously, because as soon as the singing started up again, dad joined in with as much gusto as before. Singing with all his might in that little cloak room. Mr. Elliason came back in, furious, and beat dad all the ways till Sunday. Even tried hanging him on one of the hooks in that room. He had had it with dad and he let him know it!! You would think this would've given dad some clue as to how to behave with this teacher of his. That he would know that his 7th grade teacher wasn't someone you messed with. But, as the "Chronicles" continue, you'll see - well - dad didn't learn his lesson that day and poor Mr. Elliason was in for a very LONG year with my father.